The Fellowship of the Fast
A compendium recasting the characters of Lord of the Rings with the Fast & the Furious family.
This fine literary analysis was contributed to by Ben David Richmond and E.J. Stowe.
Frodo Baggins — Brian O’Connor
Bland protagonist with a slight penchant for mischief who starts out the series bright eyed and bushy tailed—
—and ends the series like this:
Aragorn — Dom Toretto
Obviously. Our brother, our captain, our king.
Elrond — Tej Parker
Frequently underwhelmed by the mortals he is surrounded by.
Galadriel — Cipher
Baddest bitch in Middle Earth/the world.
Peregrin Took — Roman Pearce
Comedic relief. Always hungry.
Meriadoc Brandybuck — Han Lue
Snacking in every shot.
Arywn Evenstar — Letty Ortiz
Our leading lady and the better driver.
Éowyn — Elena Neves
Bad ass and blonde. Ill-fated romantic vibes with Aragorn/Dom Torretto.
Sam Gamgee — Mia Toretto
The moral compass of our story. Puts up with SO MUCH BULLSHIT.
Legolas — Ramsey
Always the most stylish and aloof person on screen.
Gimli — Luke Hobbs
Beard. Aggressively masculine at all times.
Boromir — Jakob Toretto
Problematic brother who comes around in the end.
Faramir — Monica Fuentes
Constantly underestimated and under appreciated.
Denethor — Carter Verone
See above.
Treebeard — Gisele Yashar
Shows up to save the day when she feels like it, especially after long, unexplained absences.
Sauron — Mr. Nobody
Seems like a pal at first, but secretly pulling the strings the whole time.
Saruman — Owen Shaw
Seems organized and like he has his shit together as far as bad guys go, yet it all unravels in the end.
Gandalf — Queenie
Legend of the stage and screen. Here for the laughs and the pipeweed. British.
Gollum — Jason Statham
Just bizarre.
The One Ring — Chekhov’s Car
Also known as a Dodge Charger. Coveted. All powerful. No matter how hard you try to get rid of it, it just keeps on coming back.